A few days ago, I decided to get back to being nice to my dear dear blog inspiration (read as: ex-best bitchy friend), so I called her up, and we began our random chit-chat good for nothing conversations.
(Somehow, I'm in a 'conversation-typing' mood off late)
Character list:
Nut Case (pain-in-the-ass) = My 'best' friend
Pea Brain = Guy who asked her out
Me = Blog Writer (like you wouldn't know)
Nut Case: (with perfectly fake enthusiasm) OMG! Hi! Where have you been? Very busy and all, haan?
Me: (with much more perfectly fake enthusiasm) Oh! Nothing much, I've been busy (yeah right), playing and enjoying vacation and all..
Nut Case: (disappointed) Oh..... Okay...... You know what! 'Pea Brain' actually asked me out!
Me: (in utter disbelief) No way!
Nut Case: (gloating with pride) Yeah he did, he has been asking me out since so long, but I kept refusing him, you know, I've been so busy with work and the shifts have been so tiring, but it looks bad to keep refusing na like that, so I thought I'll go out with him...
Me: Yeah....
Nut Case: (flying on cloud nine) Its nothing much actually, we're just going to Bandra, or maybe we'll go to a shopping mall, or Cafe Coffee Day, the one by the beach....
Then later, we might just sit on the beach and talk, you know, the casual stuff....
Me: Yeah and...
Nut Case: (excitedly) and you know, that beach is so famous! We might even see a few film stars there! I'm so excited....
Me: Oh wow! (duh!)
Nut Case: (blushing uncontrollably) and you know what he said??
Me: err... no. What did he say?
Nut Case: (flying again) He said, that we won't travel by train, because he wants to see me all the time, and if we travel by train, then for one hour, he will be in the gents compartment, and I will be in the ladies na.... so he won't get to look at me, can you believe he said that! I was so embarrassed! (giggle giggle)
Me: Wow! He's really head over heels....
Nut Case: Oh! I'm getting another call, I'll call you in a while.... bye!
Me: Bye..
(two days later - Saturday - day of the date)
(my phone rings)
Me: Hello
Nut Case: (excitedly) HI!
Me: (damn!) Oh! Hi Nut Case.....
Nut Case: (giggles) Hi!
Me: You didn't come out yesterday? We expected you to be there...
Nut Case: Oh I was out shopping, I bought this new pair of corduroy pants, but the shade was too light, so it wouldn't go with anything, so I went to exchange them....
Me: Oh ok ok! Cool.. Sooooo you exchanged them?
Nut Case: Ya ya! You know what?
Me: Nope.....
Nut Case: He called up again, to confirm, if we were still going out!
Me: Wow!
Nut Case: He said Bandra would be too far, so we'll go someplace close...
Me: Oh (trying not to sound very disinterested) So you decided what you're gonna wear?
Nut Case: No No! This isn't a date or anything, I'll just pick something up from the cupboard and wear.... (yeah sure you will)
You know, he called up last night, from his friend's cell! His battery was low...
And he called in the morning also!
Me: Oh wow!
Nut Case: I thought I'll just call up and tell you, since you seemed really inquisitive....
Me: (wtf!) I sounded inquisitive???!
Nut Case: (matter-of-fact type tone) Yeah, so I just thought I'd tell you....
Me: (very bluntly) I wasn't inquisitive.....
Nut Case: Hey I gotta go now, I'll call back later, chal bye, take care....
Me: Bye
(drops dead)
Note to readers: Its Tuesday, the date hasn't happened yet......
As I woke up today, I had this wonderful idea, or rather this perfectly planned blog entry that I'd like to put up on the internet. I lay in bed thinking for around 5-10 minutes, and once everything was in place, I got up, and began to type at break neck speed. Now I know its rude, not to go out and say your goodmornings, and brush your teeth and do the bed as soon as you wake up, but you cannot let an inspiration like that just get lost, because you had to follow some sad, boring daily routine. Anyway, as I opened Notepad, my mom walked in. My mom talks a lot (believe me), not the gossip-talk, just the normal talk-talk. So she began asking about stuff, here's mostly what the conversation went like:
(note: my mom loves to cook)
Me: (type type type type)
Mom:You woke up?
Me: (type stop) Yeah, goodmorning ma. (type type)
Mom: What will you have for breakfast?
Me: (type type stop again) Anything will do. (type type)
Mom: Fruit?
Me: (type type stop) Yea. (type type)
Mom: But bananas are over.
Me: (type type stop) (in shock, since bananas are my staple diet) Then what else is there? (type type)
Mom: Sweet lime?
Me: (type type stop) They're raw (type type stop) Mom, can I just finish typing something here, before I forget? It won't take long. (type type)
Mom: Ya ya, sure, but tell me what you'll eat, or when you're hungry, you'll start eating my brains.
Me: (type type stop) I'll eat anything mom, I'll think lil later. (type type)
Mom: You want soup?
Me: (type type stop) Yup, but no pepper or garlic. Too heaty. (type type)
Mom: But you won't like it without pepper and garlic, thats what gives it the taste .
Me: (type type stop again! argh!) Okay, put. (type type)
Mom: Then what else will you eat after that?
Me: (type type stop, sigh) Anything will do ma. (type type)
Mom: But you can't have soup all day!
Me: (type type stop) Yes I can! (type type)
Mom: No, you think and tell me now.
Me: (type type stop)
(can't think of anything beyond blog topic)
(takes mind off the topic and tries to concentrates on food)
(manages to remove topic completely from mind)
(realizes that topic is gone, erased, deleted from brain)
(damn!)
(mumbles to self angrily)
(gets up)
(goes and eats semi-raw sweet lime and watches TV)
~THE END~
Summer has razed my enthusiastic holiday spirit to the ground. I think it has had amusing effects on my groupmates as well, since everyone is being extra nice to me off late. Undoubtedly, they're suffering from fried brain syndrome.
My favorite "inspirational" best friend has stopped talking to me, without prior notice, or any showdown, which was much expected. She continues to stick to my best friends, which (sadly,) no longer effects me much. She also tried (in vain) to get the guys to accompany her to a super-cool disco in the city. Surprisingly, the offer was ignored by all, except the guy who will sell his soul to the devil for her. I haven't seen much of her in the past two weeks, which indicates, that I may live a normal hate free life from now on (which will be boring for all my faithful blog readers, since I won't be spewing hot molten magma all over the place).
I seem to have lost my "bad luck" charm somewhere, and I've moved heaven and earth looking for it, but as you see, I haven't found it yet. When I do, you'll will be the first to know (trust me).
A new girl has gained membership into our group, and she keeps the boys very happy. We shall not dive into any details as yet. So far, things have been going smoothly between us, lets hope for the best.
I have been recording random recordable conversations, since I finally have something that can record sounds without a persistent hissing in the background.
I haven't melted too much body fat, as planned earlier. I have tanned two shades darker. I have a big red pimple on my forehead, and my head hurts real bad.
I am planning on going on a protest against the atrocities of summer, but no one seems too keen on joining my little campaign.
I leave now, to fight heat, dust and find a new inspiration for my blog.
~ Njoy
Days turned to weeks, and weeks to years. She tried each and every day, hoping and wishing, he would notice her. She tried to become like her cousins, they were all boys. She thought, being more like them, would bring her closer to him. She didn't mix with people. She didn't go for parties. She stayed home, all her life, waiting for him. The yellow bucket was broken, the spade washed away with the tides, but he still didn't know she was there. With time, her hopes drifted away too.
A day came, when she finally gave up. Now when she saw him, laugh and play, she didn't want to be with him, she didn't want to know him, she didn't want to have ever known him. He, on the other hand, completely forgot she existed. He was drawn into his own world, of money and enjoyment, she was an insignificant speck in the background, that didn't deserve his attention.
She studied well, won and lost in life, without him by her side.
She went from school to college, made new friends, moved on with life and she had a happy life. She did not need to spend her days crying for him anymore.
And then one day, he came to her. He sat down, he wanted to talk.
He said:
What have I done to deserve this? Why do you'll treat me this way? I work day in day out, to keep you'll happy. When have I ever made anything less for you? You never talk to me, don't you know I live in the same house?
He was crying.
She starred blankly at him. She didn't cry, she didn't speak.
He realized that she didn't know him, she didn't recognize him.
Her father left the room.
As he closed the door behind him, a tear dropped from her eye.
She wiped it away, opened her book and began to write -
and she wrote, a sad story......
(sometime around 1990)
She sat there in the sand, with her bright yellow plastic bucket. She saw him play cricket with his nephews in a distance. She waited for him to come and make sand castles with her, but he never came. She filled the bucket over and over again, waiting and watching. She didn't want to give up, because everyone said that she should try and try till she succeeds. The sun began to set. The game was over. It was time to return home. He came and told her to get up and gather the spade and the bucket. He was laughing and joking with her cousins, in their native language, which she did not understand. She would learn someday, so that she could laugh and joke with him too.
She tagged along, sad - that she failed again, but there's always tomorrow, she said in her mind, as she tried to keep up with them.
The next day, she woke up early, but he was already gone. She waited impatiently for him to return, running to the door, everytime she heard the gate. He returned with her cousins. He only wished her and went in, ate lunch, and went out with her cousins again. Her cousins were about her age, she wondered why he never spoke to her like he spoke to them. But she would spend time with him in the evening. Come evening and she tagged along with him to the beach. Once again he left her in the sand, with the bright yellow bucket and her red spade. He played all evening, and like every other day, the sun set, and they went home.
The pattern repeated everyday, until her vacation was over. She went back to the city, to education, to life on the fast track. On a normal day, he would be too busy to spend time with her. But she wanted to spend time with him, to talk to him, to get to know him better - and she wouldn't give up.
She studied hard, so that she would be an achiever, maybe that way, she could get his attention. While others wasted their time with immature games and fun, she studied, and yes, he was impressed, but for a short while. Then it was gone again. It was Sunday again, and he would go to meet her cousins. She begged him to take her along, but he wouldn't hear of it. She tried to throw a tantrum, but it didn't work. It never worked.
The year passed by, the results were out and like every other year, she got the highest in the family. He was happy for her, or so it seemed. They visited their native place, and the story on the beach remained the same. So after he played a few games of cards with her cousins, she went upto him and asked him to play with her, but he said he was tired. She understood. There's always tomorrow. She would try again, but still, she cried, quietly at night.
The next day, her cousins came over again. They were playing badminton. She wanted to play too! She watched in awe, as he never missed a single shot. Finally, her cousin grew tired. Yes!! Now's my chance! She ran up to him and asked if she could have his racket.
She wanted to play, but when she came, he handed the racket over to her cousin and said he was tired. He left. She was heart broken.
But she wouldn't give up! There's always tomorrow, she thought, and yet, she cried at night, when she was alone....
There are sooo many evil, cruel, inhuman things we can do to the evil, cruel, inhuman people we know, who do evil, cruel, inhuman things to people (like us), who only think about doing evil, cruel, inhuman things to them (whew).
In the beginning, (this is not a fairy tale) when my "best friend" used to do all the unbearably "nice" and "helpful" things for me, I used to forgive her, hoping she would grow up someday. Kids are immature, and some of them never really grow out of their immaturity (ever), and need (rather crave) attention to help them feel secure. (ho-hum)
You know, maybe if I was a psychiatrist, I might have given a sensible, rational (not to forget utterly boring) lecture like that, but I'm not - so, in recent times, like that episode where I threw her in that awkward position, I haven't been forgiving her, and it hasn't gone unnoticed.
Hmmm, my object of concern (is her obviously, but still read ahead) is that, she hasn't tried any new tactics off late. She has stuck to her "be-wolf-in-sheep's-clothing" routine. Oh lemme explain the "be-wolf-in-sheep's-clothing" routine (for those who are visiting this place for the first time) :
"be-wolf-in-sheep's-clothing" Tactic 1:
Show false concern for "victim" (me me me me me) in front of friends.
"be-wolf-in-sheep's-clothing" Tactic 2:
Dress like a whore. Works like magic.
"be-wolf-in-sheep's-clothing" Tactic 3:
Interrupt (rather disrupt) any conversation, between "victim" and her friends whom you want to grab.
"be-wolf-in-sheep's-clothing" Tactic 4:
Embarrass "victim" about her lack of knowledge about make-up, (unreasonably expensive) brands, shoes, clothes, shopping malls, shopping malls, shopping malls and shopping malls.
"be-wolf-in-sheep's-clothing" Tactic 5:
Always act "innocently" dumb, so that the guys find your dumbness greater than their dumbness, hence making them feel better about themselves.
Now back to the topic. She has not done something cruel and new off late. (Now you would say, "Isn't that a GOOD THING??". Then I'd say, "DIE DUMBO" and it would go on like that forever.) I won't believe she has run out of cruel creativity, but I'm a bit worried .... make that.. I'm scared half to death wondering what she is gonna come up with! Its like the calm before the storm, like that part in the movie "volcano" where everything goes death quiet, and then molten lava ends up frying half the city's population to a crisp. Yeah! thats exactly what I'm talking about...
All I can do is wait and watch, for my inspiration to the next blog to come along.
(I know the ending sucks, but I'm suffering from "huh-what-to-write-now" attacks due to extra stress, I wonder whats stressing me out ....)
The sweetest of human species and the sickest of human species come under the same category - girls for sure! I don't get it with these weird creatures, there's nothing human about them (the sick ones, I mean), they're goddamn parasites that sink they're teeth on the actually human female species and even manage to make it look good.
Plagues, leprosy, even AIDS may get eradicated by miraculous breakthroughs in science and medicine, but even a nuclear disaster can't rid this planet of those parasitic bitches. (all ye female dogs, no offence meant)
Yes, tis another session of 'bitch about my favorite bitchiest bitch (er... sorry I menat best) friend'.
This time, she played her cards so well, I didn't even know what hit me, how it hit me, when it hit me (yeah, but I do know why it hit me, its beacuse I'm a freaking soft hearted moron who falls for sad, stupid, fake stories and crocodile tears, and uselessly good at heart) but it hit me, and it hit me good!
I had begun to avoid her (successfully) but she needed me to get back on the scene (and into the guys' good books). So she acted her usual cheap lowlife self, and went and complained to one of the guys in the group, (who takes most of her nonsense like it were dew from heaven) about me avoiding her, and not telling her about group meetings abd stuff like that (group meetings sounds all flashy and fancy and all, but I don't wnt to make us sound like the complete lifeless losers that we are), and avoiding her calls, etc etc etc.
Now I remember telling her quite clearly, that I would give her a missed call when I left to meet our friends, and when I left, I gave her a missed call, and she even missed called back, (kinda acknowledged my missed call kinda thing) and we landed at the rendezvous point, an she was her usual sulky sympathy seeking leechy self, and it wasn't working in her favour (for a change).
So this guy comes and tells me all about it the next morning (today) and I be miss goodie two shoes and call her up n talk nice n sweetly to her, and make up etc etc. but I was mad as hell, as mad as 'Loony' without 'Toons', as mad as 'Dexter' without 'Lab', as mad as Chapell and Ganguly must be at each other.
So I have this real good guy friend in our group (no there isn't anything cooking between us) so I decided to tell him my side of the story, and he completely takes her side. He even goes ahead to compliment the way she dresses (she dresses like a s***, believe me, if she could show more than she already does, she would shamelessly). But what the heck, he's a guy, and the fewer the clothes, the more the popularity & sympathy & fame. He even went ahead and told me that she is only insecure, and thats why she behaves like that, (yeah, maybe she got clothophobia - or some unidentified allergy to morals - or maybe the black hole sucked up her conscience when she was born) and that I should help her with that. (poooh!)
Bottom line: She stole one of my best friends from me, she is gonna pay !
By the way...........
Morals of the story:
Wear fewer clothes to gain public sympathy.
Morals belong with the dodos and T-Rex.
